Only in 2020 would cereal and pizza be up for PC debate
Will breakfast cereal bring about the end of civilisation as we know it?
As the cancel culture bandwagon picks up speed and a ton of new passengers shackle themselves to the cause, we are at a crossroads in leadership.
Who exactly are these woke bullies who deign to tell us what we can read, watch, listen to or at the bare minimum, enjoy?
And why are we listening to the cacophony of hypocrisy when really our own souls and commonsense can decide what is offensive and what is not.
That's how we parent our children, remember, and why we step in to address a wrong.
But instead we are at risk of becoming a country that is a bystander to bullying.
And that's because a movement that only considers a selection of facts and is absolutely fixated on naming and shaming is doing just that - condoning bullying.
It is now acceptable to mock or censor people or views that you do not like or have been caught in your crosshairs as you endeavour to dig up something offensive about them.
Happy childhood memories are in the frame. That's a new low.
And it makes brawls over toilet paper look mild.
I've lost count of the Saturday mornings in the 1980s I sat eating Coco Pops in front of the TV and smiling at the (I thought) coincidental broadcast of the 'just like a chocolate milkshake only crunchy' commercial.
Yet there I was, a trainee bigot in my seersucker pyjamas.
Do we want children to see racism even when there is none?
A UK Labour politician emailed Kellogg's to ask why Coco Pops is represented by a monkey when Rice Krispies have "three white boys" on the box.
The two cereals are the same, she argued, except they're not - are they - because Coco Pops are chocolate flavoured and brown.
Kelloggs of course had no choice but to respond or its business will be skewered.
"The monkey mascot that appears on both white and milk chocolate Coco Pops, was created in the 1980s to highlight the playful personality of the brand," said a careful PR release to inboxes.
"As part of our ambition to bring fun to the breakfast table, we have a range of characters that we show on our cereal boxes, including tigers, giraffes, crocodiles, elves and a narwhal."
It's not about shutting down legitimate grievances like racism. It is about narrowing the discourse of what people are allowed to say.
And one has to wonder just what is going on in the heads of those who see racism and grievance everywhere. Racial injustice may be a terrible thing, but to look for offence in everything - even a cereal box - indicates not so much a desire to fix the world as to obsess over it.
Plus this delightful and insidious twist: keeping people off balance because no matter how much you apologise, the wind can always change and they'll come for you next.
Every aspect of life is in the frame.
This week an eight-year-old tweet was resurfaced in an attempt to "cancel" Domino's pizza chain.
When she was still at university, the now White House spokeswoman Kayleigh McEnany wrote, "FUN FACT: @dominos is wayyyy better than any NYC pizza."
Domino's account replied at the time, "@kayleighmcenany That's one heck of a compliment! Thanks for the love! #WEAPPRECIATEIT!"
Anti-Trump commentator Rick Wilson tweet shamed the pizza chain and McEnany by saying "You just killed your brand."
Watch out if you are selling your house. Will advertising it as a family home be offensive to single people? Nothing is off limits.
Of course hypocrisies abound. Those taking on small brewers like Colonial Ale for an triggering brand have no issues with the Guardian, the reliably left-wing cheerleader for cancel culture, which was founded by a man who made his fortune off a cotton plantation.
The social media sheep lined up to endorse the anti Domino's tweet - "Well, last night was the last Dominoes (sic) pizza I'll ever order" and "Way to align yourself with a political party, Domino's. Probably should have just been silent."
The company did respond but it was delightfully woke-free.
"Welp. It's unfortunate that thanking a customer for a compliment back in 2012 would be viewed as political. Guess that's 2020 for ya," the business's account tweeted.
But our only hope of emerging from this year unscathed - not from COVID-19 but PC infection - is to champion those who do stand up and say ENOUGH.
Originally published as Only in 2020 would cereal and pizza be up for PC debate